As I sit in my little anti-developmental cube here at work, I can’t seem to identify what specific turn has made this week so freakishly curved. Was it the fight my boyfriend and I have had? Was it the war? Was it our friends leaving for a new and renewed life in San Diego? Was it the cusp of spring? Or was it premenstrual cycle flip-flopping about?

Last night:
The muted Mid Eastern setting, the perfumed air, the flickering candles.
The setting was stunning and our gullets were wallowing in pleasure. Tangerine . Surprise. Our friends - who are moving, they took us to a surprise dinner last night, backwards for them to have taken us to dinner, but provided their fiscal standing – altogether acceptable. The place was wonderful, the theme was muted though as it were our last dinner together.
As we went back to our place, we got out of their Exterra – hugs*kisses*tears* As they left, and as I let the dog go to the bathroom I let loose.
Emotive responses usually come to me when I am alone; I keep it in until I can truly let go. That way I feel as though it doesn’t hurt other parties involved any more then necessary. On the other hand - I also think that something is lost in the translation when I don’t well up when saying goodbye, or grieving. I think the other parties involved loose a piece of who and what I really am, and may feel as though I won’t really miss them??? Make sense? Usually I follow up with more emotional cards or calls. In the moment I put the shell up and transcend the feeling – at least for a minute until I can get to a bathroom or a private room and break it loose.


Anyway last night was extraordinary for me. Once we said our goodbyes we were in bed with the TV on, I heard someone say how they would tie a ribbon around the tree for their family member who was fighting the sandstorms in Iraq.
I was floored when I heard that – I was brought back to a time when I was sitting in the backseat of my now- deceased grandmother’s yellow Datsun, on the radio played that song “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree”. She told me all about how she used to sing that for my grandfather when he was doing his tour of duty. Of course at the time I was more interested in the whole tie-a-ribbon-round the tree thing (why would you do that?). I had a very sad moment last night recalling that memory, which came from the middle of nowhere. Strange how things just pop up like that. Strange.

Maybe it was all the fancy martini’s I was downing too though. Who knows?


On another note, SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME FORMAT PICTURES SO THEY FIT………PLEASE .